failure... when your best just isnt good enough

Fall seems to strike a cord, change, different colours, different mood. Reflection and an out look on what I'd like to see my life, or at least my thoughts, should be. Summer has most definately been about me. Bought a truck, etc... stuff... for me, work... me. Even this fall its hunting season and ... me. But as I look to thanksgiving and all that I'm thankful for, rather than all my possessions I own; its the people, family, friends, that are still here beside me. Whether they are moving off again or moving back. We all do our own thing but we're still connected. One of my best friends is leaving back to the rigs. I dont wish that on anyone. Honestly I wish you'd finish school and move on, but I know you have to do your own thing. Some friends from england, germany and elsewhere moving back. But over all its my attittude over the last few years that shocked even myself. I've moved from working with kids whether with supported child development, kids groups, youth groups, camp, etc; to working on the rigs to better my family to being my own contractor. Where did I loose sight of the bigger picture? I miss the stiving to better humanity and the passion for others. So in retrospect, this thanksgiving is dedicated to spending quality time with friends and family and this up coming Christmas we decided as a family instead of giving gifts we would send money to clean water projects in Africa. We are going to tally, or guesstimate, the ammount we usually spend on decorations, holiday shit and gifts that we normally have and send that to others instead. I hope this is a new tradition that breaks away from our old habits of selfishness and restores my hope in humanity and that we are good people, we just need to start helping each other out. I start to wonder what if we all contributed to the world... what would it look like? Maybe next year I can go help dig a well, roof, build places for others, oversees, here in Canada...
I know I make enough, it seems like living paycheck to paycheck but I know I should be able to send at least 1000 bucks for a good cause... I still wonder what if everyone in Canada who could not only afford to but are able to give up, 1/40th of what they make, come on, thats even less than we pay our own government, and I know how most of us feel about that! So why is it so hard to give to those who we have faith in and love? Whats wrong with peoples thoughts process today. Maybe , hopefully, the paridigm will shift from selfishness to selflessness
I just need to stop thinking about me